Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
jump out the window naked night went bad
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
