She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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