It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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