can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
