Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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