Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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