tell your sister to shave her snatch
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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