Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.

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(678): View more from Georgia

How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?

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(503): View more from Oregon

My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?

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(404): View more from Georgia

and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.

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(846): View more from

he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.

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(308): View more from Nebraska

You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.

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(503): View more from Oregon

it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me

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