i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
