you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize