Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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