a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
