Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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