You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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