Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
