she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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