i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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