Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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