It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
