I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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