Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
