I heard we made out
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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