if i can run in heels then i can drive
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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