still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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