all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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