do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
