I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
