Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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