I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
