Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
