Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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