I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
