it was like his penis was on wheels.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
it's great music for shaving your balls
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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