please come you make the beer taste better
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I am mentally ready for anal.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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