I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize