There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
