i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
