so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
