Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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