i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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