yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
