my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize