Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
