saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
