It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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