One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
operation have a gay friend backfired
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
