Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
