I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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