While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
