You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
