I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There's always time for handjobs
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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