come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize