omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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