the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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