Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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