Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
