Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
