i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm too high and old for this...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
