glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Randomize
