God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
