I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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