Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
