it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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