Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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