I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
