The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
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