Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
