i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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