I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
