I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
